I feel like I'm in dance class right now
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
