the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
