Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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