Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
