God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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