By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Randomize
