oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
