lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So drunk its hurt
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
