THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
