Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
