He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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