I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
