i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
