I want to make a zoo with you.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize