I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize