chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
