I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
