who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
