Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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