Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I could make wine with my vomit
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
