I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
