I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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