I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
