I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
