My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
