the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
