im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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