The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize