im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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