I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
