he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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