At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
