Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
