Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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