I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
