the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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