My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
