I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
