dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize