I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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