You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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