She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
