well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Less talking, more tequila
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
