I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
There r osticjed everywhere
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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