So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
