Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
