You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
