we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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