'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
