Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize