So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
