Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
