if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Houston, we have a squirter
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
