I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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