I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
