I've blown a few things in my day
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
