never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
