Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
