Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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