You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize
