pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We left the knife in your bed.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
