Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
