So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
