She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
