I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
