He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
