you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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