Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
