I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
