I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize