I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
