I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
