wanna go halves on a baby?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
This toilet bowl is my home.
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