Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Drunk is a universal language darling
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
